Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
