Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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