Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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