She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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