Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
