And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
