..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize