you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
