I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
