my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just invented taco cereal.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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