even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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