i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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