Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
