the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
