I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
