Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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