Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
