I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
