we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
