yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
