Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
