I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
