Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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