this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
