you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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