dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
