im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize