ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
