I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
