there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
