i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
