so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize