Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
