he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
