i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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