Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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