That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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