if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
