Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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