my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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