my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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