K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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