if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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