so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize