Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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