Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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