Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
