I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
