we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
