Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
