I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I touched a dick in church today
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
