I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
