It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
