Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
