god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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