There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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