its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
