I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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