I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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