What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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