Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dear god my vagina.
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