Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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