I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's never too late to be topless.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize