nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
