Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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