I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
