Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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