tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
