I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize