i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
