would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize