I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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