Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
