yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
