Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
