My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
