Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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