are you still at the devil's house?
You just made me feel so damn special
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
