sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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