Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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