hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
