walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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