careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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