I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just googled if crying burns calories
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
