the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
