My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
