Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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