Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
