We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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