Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
