I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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