I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
