just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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