Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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