We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize