He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
