I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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