Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
