I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
